This is a very common ailment in human-beings. Our minds create chaos. And then, the same creator of the chaos wants to find peace within it. This is job security for the mind. It’s a little bit like the cat chasing its tail for entertainment.
One of the most transformative shifts I made in my life was when I realized how limited my thoughts were. Nature has really offered me a space to recognize this.
One night I stepped out on the deck and looked at the endless stars against the night sky and felt how none of it required my attention. I know that my lungs breathe and my heart beats and I don’t even think about it. The seasons change, air and water are provided as the sun warms our earth without so much as a request from us. On this night, I realized absolutely nothing requires my attention. In this moment, I felt both humbled and free.
Thinking we know the answers is a very limiting trap. If this life was under our control, we would indeed be miserable. What a heavy burden it would be to have to control every detail in our life. Yet the mind convinces us, on a daily basis, that we must focus our attention ( our life force) and our energy on micromanaging all the complexities of life. At best, this is a horrendous leak of energy and natural wisdom. It is the ultimate misbelief that leads us to the fall from Grace.
I studied and applied much thought into becoming someone who I felt others might respect. I wanted to be a good teacher, a great horse-woman and the ultimate friend. For so many years I reached for that place and time that I would feel that I might have arrived. But I always seemed to fall short. Someone’s opinion or a mishap or unfortunate circumstance would once again prove me unworthy.
Year after year, I seemed to hit my head against the same wall. Until one day, I realized I could turn around and go the other direction. I never knew that was an option before. I realized that the idea of knowing something was actually preventing me from living my highest potential and greatest good. As a great teacher once said, “Striving, never arriving.“
Even after I recognized this, the habit continued for many more years. As I said in my book, Perfect Practice, it’s like “leaning on a curtain“. The whole concept was flawed. I could never find stability from an unstable perspective. Thoughts constantly changed. I had to look to find what was consistent. And it was “I”. I was here to see it all. All the changes, all the pain and the joy, were all seen from a clear and untarnished awareness.
So as I continued with trial and error, I finally let go of trying. I then sat quietly with myself, until I realized, I was alright already. Still, the habit of judgment of my-self or my opinion about other people’s opinions would creep in and influence me once again. But it was too late. The truth had been felt in a brief glimpse called freedom.
I knew that what I thought I knew was a lie I told myself. I saw that I was both the opposing and the defensive opinions. Both lived inside of me. And they had a constant dialogue that caused chaos.
Once I dedicated my life to releasing these character roles I had been playing, I went to meet my horse in this realm. Then I saw my husband from this ultimate space. And eventually I would see the world from here.
I could see that others were having the same conflict—the same dialogue. People all over the world were thinking they knew the problem. And the problems just kept multiplying, the chaos keeping everyone in bondage.
Whether it’s the relationship with a horse or a relationship with a boss, a friend, a daughter, a brother, a mother or a father the very premise of it was unstable. But I had also come to see the cure.
This is not something that can be taught and not something that can be learned. It can only be experienced or realized. We have to see that we can turn around and go the other way. We have to walk away from our beliefs. Walk away from our thoughts. Stop running into the wall. We have to be able to be silent with ourselves. And quiet the mind if only for a brief moment.
And when we do we see that the ultimate good and the ultimate beauty of life is right there. It hasn’t been diminished. It is inside the heart of ourselves. Inside the heart of the horse. As soon as we stop thinking we know—we are home.
This is the offering. This is the divine gift. This is the realization of freedom. Sages and gurus, horseman and mystics, atheists and holy prophets have all been known to have found this very simple, yet infinite gift. They lived to tell about it. But no one can tell us. Because, if they tell us, then we have a thought about what they tell us. All we can do is be guided to look. And then we must look for ourselves. And I am here as testimony to say, when we look, we will find.
Quiet the mind. Step back and see that we are indeed looking at the thoughts. We are not our thoughts. And have a taste, a real experiential absorption of the one golden truth that weaves itself through every culture and in every race. Throughout the ages it has been spoken of. The time has come.
—It is here. I am here. It simply is.
The great comic relief, the ultimate con, has been observed.
